Finding Hope in Life’s Trials and Heartaches
Swimming with Dolphins
I have swum in the ocean only once. Several years ago, some dear friends treated our family to a trip to Galveston. I loved watching the waves roll in, I loved walking on the beach at sunset with my friend, I loved watching my children play in the waves, I loved swimming with the dolphins in the ocean.
But I hate to get my head wet. I hate the feel of water in my eyes, ears, and nose. Perhaps it is something sensory that I just dislike, or perhaps it dates to my childhood. When my brother and I would go swimming with my dad, we never knew when he would stealthily swim under water and unexpectedly catch us by our ankles and dunk us. While I learned to dive and swim underwater, I rarely did because I hated the sensation of being underwater.
That day in the ocean, the dolphins had come close to shore. Standing neck deep in the water, I was able to keep my head above the surface by bouncing off the bottom with my toes and treading water. The dolphins were almost close enough to touch and watching them was a once in a lifetime experience. However, watching them I forgot to watch the waves and bounce high enough to raise my head above the gentle swells of water. Several times I was caught off guard and momentarily doused as the wave struck and rose over my head. Each time I experienced a temporary sensation of panic, but the experience of watching those beautifully graceful creatures was worth the occasional dunking.
Dunked in Cold Water
I was reminded of this experience as I stepped outside to pen my dogs on a cold and damp Sunday morning in the last week of April. After several warm and sunny spring days with high temperatures in the mid to upper 70’s, a day with a projected high in the mid 40’s felt like being dunked into winter once more and the cold felt almost unbearable. But as I paused for a moment in the quiet stillness of that cold, foggy, morning to just breathe deep of cold air and admire the beauty of that quiet, still, morning, I momentarily forgot about the discomfort of the cold. The awe of the day distracted me and reminded me that sometimes peace and pain can coexist in the same moment.
Sometimes life too can feel like being dunked into cold water, and sometimes grief or disappointment can catch us off-guard when it surfaces amid peace and joyful circumstances. Life can be moving along peacefully, when unexpected circumstances hit us like a wave. And while it seems that grief is behind us and we have once more entered brighter and prettier days of spring, a word, a memory, a moment, can catch us unawares and we feel as though we have suddenly been dunked into sorrow.
Master of the Waves
On that cold April morning, I felt as though I was struggling to keep my head above water as changes at work were causing extreme tension and anxiety for myself and my colleagues. While at the same time I was working with my counselor to process long buried heartache. When my website went down that same week and was still not up after more than two hours online with tech support, I felt completely immersed and unable to make it to the surface.
As I thought back to that day bobbing in the ocean, I remembered that as I rose to the surface and lifted my feet from the sandy bottom, I would drift just a little deeper. Coming down to touch the bottom I would be just a little further from the surface than I was on my last bounce, and I would backpedal for a minute to reposition myself. But as momentary trials built on the deeper sorrows of the past and threatened to engulf me, I could trust that I was anchored and would not drift too deep. I did not need to backpaddle in fear even if the waves temporarily submersed me because I trust the Master of the sea who made me and holds me secure. So, in that moment on that cold April morning, both discomfort and awe dwelt together, one eclipsing the other, but both were equally present.
Anchored
Perhaps as spring begins to awaken new life and new birth, you find yourself temporarily immersed in the heartaches and trials of living in this broken world. Perhaps you feel you have been dunked in the cold of grief or disappointment and you find yourself still struggling to catch your breath. Life in this broken world can be hard, but if we pause a moment to breathe deep and look around, there can be awe and beauty amid the wind and waves. Both peace and pain can dwell in the same moment if we let gratitude merge with grief. And we need not fear we will drift so deep in our sorrow that we cannot touch the bottom because we are anchored, and we know who holds us and commands the wind and waves.
But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?” Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. So, the men marveled, saying, “Who can this be, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?” Matthew 8:26-27