Early Blooms
One morning just after the time change, I paused as I headed to work and took a picture of my apricot tree with its pretty pink blooms set against the grey light of dawn. I wanted to remember that spring is near, and I knew the blooms would not remain on the tree long since the forecast called for a hard freeze three nights in succession.
Once more, this tree would bare no fruit this year – only pretty blooms. I planted this tree as a sapling twenty years ago, and in all these years, I can only remember three years it produced fruit. It has potential and promise, but no fruit because every year it blooms at the first hint of spring, and every year, a week or two later, winter comes rolling back in and kills any fruit before it has a chance to even start maturing.
Slow Sanctification
As I look at the tree, I think about my own life, and wonder how often I have raced ahead of the season and bloomed – excited by great plans and ideas – but failed to bear fruit. The longer I live, the more I see that life is complex, people are complex, and I am complex. It has taken me a long time to even begin to understand that complexity and how my mental and emotional maturity is tied so closely to my faith.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve been traveling a long slow journey uphill for almost forty years and I’ve just reached the bottom of the mountain. And the truth is that although I cannot accurately judge how far I’ve come or how far I will continue to climb, I have been on a long, slow, journey. It is a journey that began with the pursuit of perfection and has transformed into a deep yearning for the only one who can save, redeem, and transform me. This journey is what some once called the process of sanctification, and for me it has been a long, slow, growing in grace.
I Haven't Learned that yet
I recently read the book I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet by Shauna Niequist and I love this quote in her chapter titled On Crying in Church.
I still believe in God – in his goodness especially. In the centrality of forgiveness, confession, prayer. I believe he is present in our lives, that he offers comfort and wisdom, that the way of Christ is the best possible way to live. I still believe in religion as a meaningful way to gather and organize our lives, although I don’t believe it’s a stand-in for emotional health or self-awareness or character, and I don’t believe a devoutly religious person is necessarily any of those other important things.
Frozen by fear
While God has been gracious to me in past seasons and I have had some beautiful summer seasons in which the things I felt called to do have come to fruition, looking back, I have also had many seasons when my heart bloomed with desire and ideas burned deep in my soul, but little came from them. I did not pursue my dreams because I was frozen by fear. While I long for my life to bare good fruit, I am desperately afraid of imperfection and failure, so I allow the fruit to die before it has even had time to set. Other times, when I have found the courage to allow blooms to mature, I have unconsciously plucked off most of the growing fruit leaving only a few to mature.
Pleased with just a little, I have been contented with a small harvest, not because that is all God has given me, but because that is all I have reached for. And while we need to be careful not to long for success or recognition for ourselves or for self-gratification, we should also be careful not to settle for too little.
C.S. Lewis writes, “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
The Parable of the Fig Tree
I love the parables of Jesus and in recent years, I have begun to see the stories Jesus told with a fresh perspective. These stories make my heart long for ‘your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.’ (Matthew 6:10)
Most of us know the parable of the talents as recorded in Matthew 25:14-30 and in Luke 19: 12-27, and the warning to those who do not use what they have been given – at least that is the message usually taught.
But Jesus also spoke this parable recorded in Luke 13:6-8:
“A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. Then he said to the keeper of his vineyard, ‘Look, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree and find none. Cut it down; why does it use up the ground?’ But he answered and said to him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and fertilize it. And if it bears fruit, well. But if not, after that you can cut it down.’ ~ Luke 13:6-8
Pruned With Grace
While this parable is meant to be a warning, it is also a message of grace. This parable reminded me that painful pruning and digging can sometimes be evidence of grace in our lives. While pruning and digging can be hard and cause us much suffering, it can also deepen our roots and produce growth so that blooms can have a chance to mature.
Most of the time, we do not realize our roots need to be exposed. Sometimes we do not know the source of our fear and we may need a professional counselor or a spiritual guide to help us dig it up. But when we dig down to the bottom, we may not only find the source of our fear but also the source of our faith. Courage is not always the opposite of fear, sometimes it is faith. And when we cannot reach down and muster up courage, we may need to kneel down and ask for faith.
What Season are you in?
So as the days begin to lengthen and warm and spring buds begin to burst forth, take some time to look inward. Are you ready for spring? What dreams are blooming in your heart right now? Is it time for them to bloom or have you hurried into spring without allowing the quiet work of winter to grow deep roots?
Don’t hurry spring. While both my mind and my feet want to race ahead full steam into spring, I am learning to still my heart and wait. I am learning to be content while God works in the quiet stillness of winter. I am learning to be patient and wait while faith and courage mature enough to both bloom and bear fruit.
Sweet, confirming words to my ❤️ this morning. This! “It is a journey that began with the pursuit of perfection and has transformed into a deep yearning for the only one who can save, redeem, and transform me.”
It has definitely been a season of having my roots exposed… Thank you for the encouragement to not settle for a little, but believe that there are seasons of much fruit to come. ❤️❤️
Sometimes it takes a long time and a lot of life before we begin to bear mature fruit. Hang in there, I believe the best is yet to come!