Eager Anticipation
I jump out of bed eagerly anticipating the day. It is early and my only day off in a six-day workweek filled with the obligation of my job. The margins of my days I fill with the duties of daily life: laundry, cleaning, cooking, paying bills, yard work, an inspection for the Jeep, registration tags, a flat to have fixed, and so on. And then in the outermost margins of my time, I squeeze in time to read, reflect, and write.
But today is different. Today is Sunday, and I can choose between duty and desire. Today I am not governed by the clock. Today I can sleep as late as I want without needing to prepare for the workday ahead. Today I can read for as long as I want the books that litter my kitchen table and bedside table and desk and beckon for space in my spare margins. And today there is time to pour out words like water from my soul.
And while I may do some of these things later today, that is not why I have jumped from my bed eager to start my day. There is another desire that takes equal space in my heart. It is the desire to spend time with the people of God; to study and share how we each experience the presence of God in our lives, and to worship in community. I am eagerly anticipating church.
A New Church Community
I am new to this church community that I seemed to have stumbled upon unintentionally. I came by invitation, but I had no intention of staying, and yet, my heart pulls me here each Sunday and I return. I know there can be something of a honeymoon period when we join any new community, and perhaps I’m still enamored.
I have been in church communities almost all my life. I know the commitment of a ministry leader, Sunday school teacher, a coffee server, and other positions of service. I have had positions of esteem and I have given time to necessary tasks that bear no notice. I have known delight in these places of service, and I have also known that sense of duty and commitment that sometimes dampens our delight.
In this season of my life, I am not serving, I am just attending. There was a time when that statement would have burdened me with guilt. As I have heard some say, “I am just feasting at the table without contributing so much as a please and thank you.” It is true, I am feasting at the table without much contribution to the meal. Perhaps there will be a time when the circumstances of my life will change, and I will have the capacity to serve. But for now, I pray my presence, my pleasure, and my prayers are the ‘please and thank you’ as I am filled with gratitude for those who have made it possible for me to ‘feast at this table.’
Desires That Call Us
I do believe there is a place for each of us to serve, but that may look different in different seasons of our life. Paul writes in his letter to the church in Ephesus, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10) We are created for good works. Some may call these holy pursuits or divine callings, and I believe those deep desires of our hearts draw us to the places and people we are called to serve. It is our desires that call us to ‘the work’. It is also our desires that draw us to the people and places that inspire and encourage us as we strive to do those tasks to which our desires call us.
Although, I should also say, that while desires can be an important part of our lives, we shouldn’t always follow them blindly. Sometimes, we do those things that are not ours to do, hoping to be recognized or praised. When we don’t get the accolades we desire, we are disappointed or resentful. If this happens, it’s important to take a closer look at our desires and see if there might be some deeper wound or longing that we’re trying to satisfy. Additionally, if we find that fulfilling a desire doesn’t actually bring us joy or satisfaction, it may not be a desire at all, but rather a false substitute.
The Discipline of Duty
But when duty and desire collide, what a beautiful place of genuine worship. I think this collision of duty and desire, work and worship, discipline and delight can also be true in other places besides church. Some have been able to pursue meaningful occupations in which their desires and duties coincide, and they find great delight in their careers or occupations. Others, like me, carve out time in the margins of their life to pursue desires that bring fulfillment.
However, there is within every call, whether a vocation, a hobby, or a volunteer act of service, an element of discipline and duty. Sometimes we love the work we do so much that it seems there is no need for the discipline of duty. Our love and desire propel us further than duty or discipline could ever take us. Sometimes we may reluctantly bring ourselves to the task and then quickly discover delight as we set ourselves to the work before us. This is when work becomes worship.
A Prayer of Praise
This morning, as I sit in the pew and listen with rapturous pleasure to the music, I study the sea of faces around me. I wonder how many have come motivated by a sense of duty and how many have come because this is where they long to be. I also wonder how many were propelled here by a commitment to fulfill an obligation and discovered delight once they arrived. As I glance around me, some faces I recognize, most I do not, but as I watch them worship, my heart is filled to overflowing with delight.
I think about other church congregations where I have found delight in past seasons of my life. I also remember the silence and solitude of peaceful Sunday morning walks that have refreshed my soul in seasons in which church fellowship was not a weekly part of my life. Yet in those seasons I have also worshiped as I paused in the silence and lifted a heartfelt prayer of praise for the season and the place.
Today I find voices lifted together in song to be as sweet as the whispers of the wind, and I again pause and lift a prayer of praise for this moment, this day, this season, and this church. And I pray you find the peace of God with the people of God wherever you worship.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations. ~ Psalm 100: 4-5
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